Small Effort, Big Benefit – See. Perceive. Act
Military life, former procrastinators, made us the new guys in 18 different churches. That doesn’t count the ones we visited but did not join, or all the ones after those years. It also made us strangers at many events, plus in other life ventures like school groups, music groups, ball teams, etc.
I’ve had lots of opportunity to feel lonely, intimidated, shy, and ignorant. Inadequate. Actually, I’m normal. Even the most outgoing person feels those ways too.
A few people have said to me, “It’s easy for you.” Not true. Reaching out to others in new settings has become somewhat easier over the years as I’ve grown. But I still don’t feel comfortable. I do know I’d like to offer company to somebody who might feel lonely the way I have. It’s such a relief when somebody steps up to talk with you in the fellowship hall and you no longer feel like the only one standing alone.
There is a cost that comes with reaching out to others. It takes time, energy, and boldness we sometimes don’t want to give. But if we do, we minister to a brother or sister in Christ or to someone He’s drawing to Himself. We also might make a friend. The cost is worth it.
At church, let’s not count on the welcome booth or greeters at the door to take care of folks. They can’t take the place of someone who voluntarily initiates conversation with someone who’s alone or lonely.
In a large church it can be awkward because you don’t know if the people next to you are regulars or not. How about “I haven’t seen you. Have I missed you in the crowd, or are you new?”
If someone asks questions about the nursery or Sunday school, take her – don’t send her – to the teacher for that group.
Perhaps you could connect someone who’s moved to be with grandchildren with another set of grandparents. Or connect someone from the northeast with someone else from the northeast. Does the newcomer like to make jewelry? Introduce her to a crafter.
Invite her to Bible study or the ladies’ brunch. Offer her a ride.
What tips about the community could help her? Does she need a list of doctors? Maybe she’d like to go consignment shopping with you.
If it’s a family, include everybody in the conversation so everybody feels seen.
Looking at someone’s eyes expresses interest. Another lady and I stood backs-to-the-wall looking out over the crowd. When I asked about the church, she gave one-word answers and never turned her head to look at me.
That reminds us to show grace. Maybe the lady above was afraid she’d lose sight of her child. And, besides, we all have off days. Let’s make off days the odd days and reach out to those who are alone- and maybe lonely.
What friendly questions or helpful tips can you have ready to share with someone alone at church?
