As a procrastinator, although I put things off, I was bent on getting things done. Because I did not do what needed doing when it needed doing, I constantly had a backlog of work and a great deal of inner pressure. Then add other things in life that create pressure…
That “pressure pile” on top of me squeezed the fun out of life – and out of me.
Enter our otter daughter!
She infant-style bebopped into our lives with laughter and playfulness. As she grew, she became a young lady otter full of humor and fun.
According to Gary Smalley’s personality descriptions, an otter personality loves to play. I’m more a beaver, a worker type. I had become too much that way due to pressure and a misplaced sense of responsibility.
You can see I needed our otter daughter! God lovingly put us together. To be honest, she has a wide streak of beaver in her, too. But it was the beaver in me and the otter in her who frustrated each other.
“Mom, why don’t you want me to sing while I work?” “Because when you sing you slow down so much the work doesn’t get done.” Who tells a child not to sing? We could’ve worked that out. “Mom, may I go to Susie’s? We’re planning a party!” “Pay attention and do your English.”
Yes, work needs to be done. So does play! Sometimes we can even mix them.
Just chatting, my sister-in-law mentioned her mom would put on the Supremes, turn up the music, and they’d all clean house while singing. I almost cried right there. I wish I’d been like that.
We couldn’t do it every time there were chores, but we could’ve done it SOME! Though sometimes play isn’t appropriate, neither is constantly shutting an otter in a box. She’ll be bumping up against the lid because she NEEDS to pop out.
I tried to overly control our daughter’s otter traits. I left our girl feeling constricted, disrespected, sad – maybe unloved at times. It was as if I didn’t recognize and accept who she is because I didn’t give her enough room to let that play out.
We moms can be safe places where our children can be who God made them to be. We can recognize and appreciate the God-given traits in our children, husbands, colleagues. Let’s enjoy the otters in our lives. Their merry hearts are good medicine for them and for us!
What joys have come to you through children or others not like you?
Very moving! Yes, on this end of life (empty nesting) there will be many regrets, but God will use our mistakes to help others as you do. I fully trust that even your otter daughter will benefit from your beaver personality. God has a way!
Thank you for that, Elena! Your words are encouraging and God is merciful. In His wisdom He does not allow “do overs” of childrearing. But we can learn even on this end and move into a new respect and enjoyment. I hope to be more nurturing at this point!
The first time I heard of the Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages, my now adult children were in the early teen years. It was an eye opening time for me and I determined to learn their love language and show love to them that way. The primary love languages of one daughter are Receiving Gifts and Quality Time. Now as an adult living in another state, I make sure we get some uninterrupted ‚ÄúGirl Time‚Äù when we are together. I realized that giving a small gift showed her that I was thinking of her even though we were apart. She loves Publix and her state does not have that grocery store. I pick up a reusable Publix shopping bag for each holiday or season and drop it in the mail. She loves it!
Looking back to my childhood, had we understood the differences in our love languages, feelings of hurt and rejection might have been avoided. It was not too late, though, to begin changing the way I showed love to each based on their love language. And to forgive past hurts when my acts of love were rejected. I did not know that one person’s love language was Acts of Service and I was trying to show love in a way they did not receive.
Thanks, Beth, for sharing your Otter daughter story and for reminding us to honor the God given differences in the lives of our loved ones. I am going to review those traits as well as the Love Languages and ask God to show me where I need to adjust my words and actions.
Mary, this is beautiful! You have gotten my attention regarding the 5 love languages. As you said, those also are God-given traits – and differences. How rich our lives are when we view others with that in mind and interact with them accordingly. It requires some adjustment on our part, but the reward of a sweet relationship makes it truly worth the trouble. You also mentioned the need to forgive those who don’t see us through an understanding lens. That’s true too. Maybe sometimes we need to “‘splain our ourselves” – share what motivates us and verify what motivates them. Thank you very much for this insight. I’m going to do some more seeking in our family – and adjusting – thanks to you.