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From Creep to Drift

Friendship

5 Jun

There are many ways a procrastinator falls prey to The Creep – a situation that worsens over time because of neglect. We can have mildew in the shower, weeds in the garden, bills yet to pay. Most of these inflict some painful inconvenience. We don’t want to do the job, but we want it to be done.

Lately I’ve been thinking about “Creep” in relationships. Neglect creeps in.

We want to maintain relationships. To maintain is “to cause or enable to continue, provide necessities for life or existence.” Its root means “to hold in the hand.” If we don’t maintain friendships, they can slip through our fingers.

What necessities must we provide to continue relationships? Primarily, time together.

It’s easy to procrastinate when it comes to contacting people. We want to have time to talk. We want to reach them when it’s a good time on their end. If we don’t have time for a full conversation, we wait until a “better time.” If we need to write, it seems even harder. We have to find the time, the words, the stationery. (Really?)

When neglect creeps into a friendship, drift takes over. We move apart.

Something is better than nothing. Even a two minute conversation communicates care and encouragement. Even two or three written lines demonstrate loving interest.

Sometimes there are rare friendships that survive neglect. “We just picked up where we left off ten years ago.” Imagine the richness if conversation were maintained.

The busier we are, the more prone we are to drop meeting with a friend. It can even feel out of our hands. The busier we are, the more we might need that coffee together – the laughs, sharing, counsel, prayer.

We read that people are more “connected” today but far lonelier. I’m delighted to get a text, a picture, or an email, yet nothing takes the place of face to face. When we’re separated by distance, nothing takes the place of hearing my loved one’s voice.

My husband and I recently visited one of my brothers and his wife – the first time in all these years that the four of us have been together without a crowd. How nice to eat breakfast, go for walks, and talk just as a foursome. We’ve deepened our relationship. My girl cousins and I make it a habit to gather when I’m in town. We’ve gotten to know each other as adults. Conscious nurturing.

Even with local friends, it’s necessary to set dates so that we actually stay in each other’s lives. I rarely get to see friends who live elsewhere, but we have monthly appointments to visit by phone. I treasure those chats.

Our relationship with the Lord can also suffer from creeping neglect. Time with Him, too, must be actively sought and guarded. Otherwise, we (not He) drift away from the sweet closeness we desire.

Any friendship we value requires nurturing. Otherwise, creeping neglect leads to drifting.

Which friendship will you nurture this week?

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2 Comments

« The Creep
Reframing for Better Choices »

Comments

  1. Linda says

    June 6, 2017 at 8:15 am

    There is such truth in what you are writing. You have touched upon something that affects us all! I agree that true relationships including the one with God need to have Presence as well as all of the other wonderful ways that we form to stay connected. It seems uncommon in our digital age that many women are able or familiar especially in metropolitan regions to stop pace and make time for a nice long meal or afternoon with a friend.

    In other regions, more rural and in small towns, this is very different. Friends center their lives around one another more. One persons’ burden is carried by many. There is no person that lives alone in a small town. This starting to sound like a congregation! So, I am thinking that in God-Graced friendships, which only need one that lives in Faith but is limitless if there are two…then don’t the principles of relationship with God apply to our relationships with one another. Unceasing Love, Pour, Review, Listen, Courage, Step Forward, Pursue, Courage, Let God Lead.

    Reply
    • Beth Sterne says

      June 6, 2017 at 9:29 am

      Many things to think about here, Linda! I like your pointing out that principles of relationship with God have much carry over into our relationships with each other. And your point about how much more powerful our faith when we join with another. When we put off reaching out or maintaining relationships, we deny ourselves and others riches God has for us.

      Reply

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BETH STERNE
Welcome! It's great to have you here. I'm a follower of Christ and a learner of new ways. By His grace, I am gaining victory over procrastination. This is where I share struggles I face and lessons I'm learning. Join me and other sisters as we put off procrastination and put on peace.

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“Beth’s presentation on procrastination was truly eye-opening. I knew I had a problem with procrastination, but never thought twice about how it impacted my relationships and showed God that I wasn’t onboard with His plan. I began to see each instance took away from being fruitful; I was living for myself! After this revelation, I have been working on procrastinating less. I can see places opening up in my life for more peaceful moments, more time with and for friends and family, and more time for God’s plan to unfold. It’s amazing to know there’s more to life for me than a life full of “should haves” as a result of procrastination.”

Carole S.

Beth Sterne - Put Off Procrastination
2018-08-16T14:42:59-04:00

Carole S.

“Beth’s presentation on procrastination was truly eye-opening. I knew I had a problem with procrastination, but never thought twice about how it impacted my relationships and showed God that I wasn’t onboard with His plan. I began to see each instance took away from being fruitful; I was living for myself! After this revelation, I have been working on procrastinating less. I can see places opening up in my life for more peaceful moments, more time with and for friends and family, and more time for God’s plan to unfold. It’s amazing to know there’s more to life for me than a life full of “should haves” as a result of procrastination.”
https://putoffprocrastination.com/testimonials/carole-s/
“After Beth came and shared about procrastination, many realized that it is possible through the Lord's power to stop putting off what God has called us to do. One mother finally started a blog and another posted a ladies; tea for her church months in advance so that ...she would not put off having it. Although I thought I was not someone who procrastinates, I realized I had some relationships that I needed to work on. Procrastination, I learned, is not just about getting things turned in on time, it's about listening to God and doing what He says to do when He tells you to and obeying God's Word.”

Rebecca F.

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2018-08-16T14:43:28-04:00

Rebecca F.

“After Beth came and shared about procrastination, many realized that it is possible through the Lord's power to stop putting off what God has called us to do. One mother finally started a blog and another posted a ladies; tea for her church months in advance so that ...she would not put off having it. Although I thought I was not someone who procrastinates, I realized I had some relationships that I needed to work on. Procrastination, I learned, is not just about getting things turned in on time, it's about listening to God and doing what He says to do when He tells you to and obeying God's Word.”
https://putoffprocrastination.com/testimonials/rebecca-f/
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"I realized [procrastination] ... hindered my relationship with Him."
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“I never saw myself as a procrastinator until her talk – I just thought of myself as productively busy! She helped me to gain new focus on what my priorities really are.”

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2018-08-16T14:41:59-04:00

Christine B.

“I never saw myself as a procrastinator until her talk – I just thought of myself as productively busy! She helped me to gain new focus on what my priorities really are.”
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"Beth’s procrastination talk led me to understand procrastination as a heart issue in need of God’s restoration not just a change of my ways. Beth’s personal experiences helped me discover practical ways to attack my own procrastination. As a result I have become a more loving wife, mother and friend who is able to use the gifts God has given me more fully. I highly endorse this talk and would love to hear it again and again."

Julia F.

Beth Sterne - Put Off Procrastination
2018-08-16T14:42:31-04:00

Julia F.

"Beth’s procrastination talk led me to understand procrastination as a heart issue in need of God’s restoration not just a change of my ways. Beth’s personal experiences helped me discover practical ways to attack my own procrastination. As a result I have become a more loving wife, mother and friend who is able to use the gifts God has given me more fully. I highly endorse this talk and would love to hear it again and again."
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Beth Sterne - Put Off Procrastination
Go to the ant, you sluggard;
consider its ways and be wise! It has
no commander, no overseer or ruler,
yet it stores its provisions in summer
and gathers its food at harvest.
Proverbs 6:6-8
... you have put off the old man with
his deeds, and have put on the new
man who is renewed in knowledge
according to the image of Him who
created him.
Colossians 3:9-10

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