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Draw Out, Don’t Miss Out

Friendship· Mindset

22 May

Former procrastinators, we realize there are no paper doll people – nobody “flat.” Each has a heart filled with struggles, hopes, dreams. Thus, we can be alert to draw out the deep waters that run within others. I’m not good at that. Yet, like everyone else, I long to know and be known.

Procrastination is an easy fall back for those of us who are not comfortable or naturally adept at drawing out others, even family members. Questions don’t come to mind until later, or we lack the boldness to ask them.

How can we learn to overcome our reticence or laziness and draw out those around us?

People I know who do this well share these things in common: They remember there’s a heart within each of us, they care about the individual, they step out and ask the next question – meaning they don’t settle for surface answers but listen and ask for more. Their genuine interest is like a magnet drawing out the thoughts and feelings of the other person – of any age.

It helps me to have prompts that get the ball rolling. Love Talks Flip Books by Chapman and Presson provide questions that stimulate interaction. We can google questions to ask around the dinner table for fun or serious topics. Best is listening carefully in conversation and asking “the next question” layer by layer.

There’s another thing we can do. We can let ourselves be known. This isn’t monopolizing conversation with “me talk,” but letting the other person look inside and see our mistakes, joys, pain. When we let ourselves be known, we open the door for relationship on another level. We entrust someone with a valuable part of us. Enabling him or her to see us as struggling or imperfect builds trust in us. I wish I’d done much more of this as a parent.

Being busy we often lack time and energy to slow down and show interest. My boss or husband is “work-focused.” One child is “our rambunctious kid,” another is “shy.” Sometimes a prominent trait defines the person for us, controlling our thoughts about him. A demanding child especially can seem one dimensional. We make him “flat.” All the while, there is more inside, longing to be known, acknowledged, accepted.

Paper doll perception or flatness is also furthered when I view people only as they fit into my world serving me (grocer, mailman, teacher). It’s furthered when I think somebody is too young, old, or different for us to share things in common. Flatness is furthered by assuming I already know what another person has to offer.

“The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water; but a man of understanding will draw it out.” Proverbs 20:6.

What a privilege to know and be known! Let’s draw each other out – not miss out.

What questions can you ask your child, husband, friend, or neighbor this week that will help you know him or her better?

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BETH STERNE
Welcome! It's great to have you here. I'm a follower of Christ and a learner of new ways. By His grace, I am gaining victory over procrastination. This is where I share struggles I face and lessons I'm learning. Join me and other sisters as we put off procrastination and put on peace.

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“I never saw myself as a procrastinator until her talk – I just thought of myself as productively busy! She helped me to gain new focus on what my priorities really are.”
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"Beth’s procrastination talk led me to understand procrastination as a heart issue in need of God’s restoration not just a change of my ways. Beth’s personal experiences helped me discover practical ways to attack my own procrastination. As a result I have become a more loving wife, mother and friend who is able to use the gifts God has given me more fully. I highly endorse this talk and would love to hear it again and again."

Julia F.

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2018-08-16T14:42:31-04:00

Julia F.

"Beth’s procrastination talk led me to understand procrastination as a heart issue in need of God’s restoration not just a change of my ways. Beth’s personal experiences helped me discover practical ways to attack my own procrastination. As a result I have become a more loving wife, mother and friend who is able to use the gifts God has given me more fully. I highly endorse this talk and would love to hear it again and again."
https://putoffprocrastination.com/testimonials/julia-f/
“Beth’s presentation on procrastination was truly eye-opening. I knew I had a problem with procrastination, but never thought twice about how it impacted my relationships and showed God that I wasn’t onboard with His plan. I began to see each instance took away from being fruitful; I was living for myself! After this revelation, I have been working on procrastinating less. I can see places opening up in my life for more peaceful moments, more time with and for friends and family, and more time for God’s plan to unfold. It’s amazing to know there’s more to life for me than a life full of “should haves” as a result of procrastination.”

Carole S.

Beth Sterne - Put Off Procrastination
2018-08-16T14:42:59-04:00

Carole S.

“Beth’s presentation on procrastination was truly eye-opening. I knew I had a problem with procrastination, but never thought twice about how it impacted my relationships and showed God that I wasn’t onboard with His plan. I began to see each instance took away from being fruitful; I was living for myself! After this revelation, I have been working on procrastinating less. I can see places opening up in my life for more peaceful moments, more time with and for friends and family, and more time for God’s plan to unfold. It’s amazing to know there’s more to life for me than a life full of “should haves” as a result of procrastination.”
https://putoffprocrastination.com/testimonials/carole-s/
“After Beth came and shared about procrastination, many realized that it is possible through the Lord's power to stop putting off what God has called us to do. One mother finally started a blog and another posted a ladies; tea for her church months in advance so that ...she would not put off having it. Although I thought I was not someone who procrastinates, I realized I had some relationships that I needed to work on. Procrastination, I learned, is not just about getting things turned in on time, it's about listening to God and doing what He says to do when He tells you to and obeying God's Word.”

Rebecca F.

Beth Sterne - Put Off Procrastination
2018-08-16T14:43:28-04:00

Rebecca F.

“After Beth came and shared about procrastination, many realized that it is possible through the Lord's power to stop putting off what God has called us to do. One mother finally started a blog and another posted a ladies; tea for her church months in advance so that ...she would not put off having it. Although I thought I was not someone who procrastinates, I realized I had some relationships that I needed to work on. Procrastination, I learned, is not just about getting things turned in on time, it's about listening to God and doing what He says to do when He tells you to and obeying God's Word.”
https://putoffprocrastination.com/testimonials/rebecca-f/
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Beth Sterne - Put Off Procrastination
Go to the ant, you sluggard;
consider its ways and be wise! It has
no commander, no overseer or ruler,
yet it stores its provisions in summer
and gathers its food at harvest.
Proverbs 6:6-8
... you have put off the old man with
his deeds, and have put on the new
man who is renewed in knowledge
according to the image of Him who
created him.
Colossians 3:9-10

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